"When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on." ~FDR



September 28, 2013 - 10:27a.m.

As much as I didn't want to drag my ass out of bed this morning for class I did. Every Saturday is the same way, I say I'm not sure if I will be there, but I always go. It is a great way to clear my head and by 10am I am feeling great, ready to start my day. Something about sweating that makes me think, and I've been doing a lot of reflecting.

It has been slowly getting closer and closer...Next week is the week that a friend is going to leaves her husband. My heart just aches for the husband. The poor guy is going to come home after his long business trip to find his wife and her things gone. I can just imagine what it will do to the guy. He has a heart condition as it is, and this might just push him over the edge into something like a heart attack. I know what it is like to be pushed over the edge.

Thinking and worrying about this couple brings back memories of my past situation with Sean. I can honestly say that I truly loved him, I thought he was my soul mate. And for him to cruelly tell me what I did wrong and what was wrong with me, combined with the already low point of almost losing my mother really sent me over the edge. Not to mention, how could he say that he was afraid I would turn into my mother, like it was the worst thing imaginable? I had a lot of people worried sick about me. I honestly cried for a straight month and didn't ever think I would stop crying, but I did. The positive note in my situation is that I regained everything he mentally took from me. I would even go as far as to say I am a better me now, mentally and physically.

I may sound heartless at times, but being cynical is my way with dealing with life's situations. I mean, to have someone tell you that your boyfriend found someone else while dating you, but had to get rid of you to pursue her doesn't exactly settle well. As much as I wanted Sean to feel just an ounce of the hurt he made me feel, I could never ever do anything that would hurt him or send him over the edge. I do want him to be happy. It has been how many months now, and I haven't bothered him. Ok, other than calling him once for 5 minutes just to ask him if he could meet me to discuss things and sending one email asking for a couple personal items back. I did exactly what he asked of me. He told me if I respected him I would leave him alone, and I respect him. He apparently didn't respect me enough to answer my request for a discussion. He might have pushed me over the edge, but I could never do that to him.

Time is either good or bad to a person, I just hope this woman's husband can survive such a shock to the heart, but my fear is that he will not be able to cope the way I did, and there is nothing I can do about it. 45 years filled with memories has to sting a little!

 

 

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